Saturday, October 14, 2006

Chain Mail Letters

Basically, this is a big FU*K YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomise me in my sleep for not continuing the chain that was started by Jesus in 5AD and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and will be in the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest continuous block of blatant stupidity. But, I say Fu*k them!

The four basic types of chain letters :
Type 1 : Waste my time

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Now, wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish :-)
But if you didn't here's what I will do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of shit. It's true! Because THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!

Type 2 : Poor sod

Hello and thank you for reading this. There is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents and no goats.
This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.

Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent, so this is a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 people instead of 5, you will die instantly. Thank you!

Type 3 : Do it or else

Hi there, this chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is how it works : Pass it on to 15 067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you.
Remember, just send this to all of your loser friends and everything will be okay.

The point being? If you get some chain letter that threatens to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.
Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only saviour is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail. Be brave, just say Fu*ck You!

1 comment:

Jin said...

Absolutely bloody classic!